Chivalry and Chocolate

May 9, 2008

The other night Kent and I went to the movie. For some reason, that night I was extra aware of all the tiny little teens prancing around with their tan legs in my husband’s face. I am insecure about my body, that is no secret, but I usually let the teenagers off the hook, knowing that they too will have jell-o molds for butts someday…(evil sinister laughter) But on this night, they just seemed to be everywhere and my self-esteem was plummeting with every tight little bottom that wiggled past us. Of course, as we were walking up to the escalator at Market Street, a giggling gaggle of them came running up and hopped onto the escalator right in front of us. Their tiny hiney’s were all hanging out of their cut off denim shorts and mini skirts and both of us just looked at each other rolling our eyes, thinking the same thing, (Well, maybe not the same thing. I am sure Kent’s thought process did not include cutting any one’s legs off and giving them to the J. Crew store to use as mannequins) But I digress.

Needless to say, after a good dose of Baby Mama, I had forgotten all about my ridiculous insecurities. Kent suggested that since we had a little extra time, we should go get dessert and coffee. (Because everyone knows that stuffing your face with large amounts of sweet things will make you feel better about being fat). So we went over to Chocolatta and ordered our very favorite dessert in the world. Crepes with Nutella and Bananas!!! (The fruit makes it healthier) I was sitting at the table with this huge mound of chocolate beauty in from of me, waiting for Kent to come back with the forks and coffee. I was practically salivating, wishing I could just put my face in it and lap the whole thing up.

And what do you know, another gaggle of “them” walked in to the coffee shop. They were standing around the counter trying to decide what to order. I was sure it was a toss up between a non-fat/sugar free/decaf/soy latte or the fat free/sugar free/low carb mini muffin. I took one look at their skinniness and wanted to crawl under a rock, leaving my pile of calories and fat far behind me. I thought to myself, “Shellee, you are a grown woman. You can eat whatever dessert you want. They are cute and skinny now, but wait until they pop out a few kids. That short one over there already has dimples in her legs, she is bound to pork out someday!” I had almost talked myself out of hating them, when they became aware of me sitting right behind them.

I turned away quickly so they would not know I had been staring at them with disdain. Their eyes locked onto the dish of decadence sitting there before me, as I tried to pretend I could not see them. They did not even try to hide their disgust. They did the teenage girl thing and rolled their eyes, and “OMGed” each other, and one of them said, just loud enough for me to hear, “Oh my God, Lacy, look at that…Don’t order it. Don’t get thaaaat!” Lacy said, “Ewww… I know. Oh Gaawwd, we can’t eat that”. And yet another hottie turned her head away ever so slightly, though I could still see her face, as she dramatically whispered the words, “Fat Bitch!”, again just loud enough for me to over hear. All of the sudden, my face got hot, my legs went weak and my stomach no longer felt like indulging in dessert. I was back in the high school cafeteria, afraid to put cheese and sour cream on my baked potato because Jill Smith might think I was a cow! I wanted to throw up….all over their pink Prada!

They knew I had heard them. They could see the rage muscling up inside of me. They received my “eat-shit” look with a feigning, “sorry you had to hear that” look and scurried away to the other side of the counter, giggling and rolling their eyes with “sort-of” embarrassment, knowing that they had pissed off the short, chubby lady. I followed them with my evil eye all the way to the brownie display.

Kent walked up to the table just as they were walking away, and he could see that I was flustered. I began to recount the “incident”, thinking he would probably think it was funny and laugh it off. And let me just say that I was soooo wrong! I have never quite seen my husband like that. I seriously thought that he was going to scrap with some skinny-minis, right there in Chocolatta! I had to literally hold his hands down on the table calmly and tell him not to go say something. His protective response made it all worth it, though. I felt vindicated that my husband would defend my wobbly bits in the name of chivalry (and chocolate)!

Needless to say, the pain of their chiding did not affect us so deeply that we could not manage a few bites of our now cold dessert. Oh alright, we finished the whole thing and then licked the plate clean just to prove a point! But the best part about it, was when we walked out of the shop, we had to pass right by their table. And guess who had a double order of crepes on the table……and guess which mature adults said, “Mooooooo”, as we walked by and waved with a smiled!

“Fatso” by Jonatha Brooke and the Story

This song is one of my top five favorites! Go have a listen! You won’t be disappointed!

Explore posts in the same categories: Life, Love

Tags: chivalry, chocolate, chubby, fat, Love

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.