Pain (I Will Not Submit)
May 5, 2008
I have heard it said that when a person has been through a considerable amount of pain in their life, whether it be physical or emotional, that when something small happens like stubbing a toe, it can seem all at once both trivial and monumental. I believe this to be true.
I have told Kent on numerous occasions that when I bump my elbow or when I poke myself with a fork in the silverware drawer, I immediately go to a place of feeling defeated. I think, “Why me? Why does stuff like this always happen to meeee? Can’t I catch a break?” And then almost within the same instant, I think, “I have survived a massive car accident, years of surgery, two births and a miscarriage. Not to mention, ten years of marriage. This is nothing, Shellee. You can handle a silly little bump or bruise! I am woman, hear me roaaaaaaarrrrrrr!!!”
I think my body remembers the pain and says, with hands held up in protest, “No…no more…I am done. Leave me alone.” But my mind, my ever willful mind, tries to take over and say, “What is your problem? You are stronger than this. Don’t be a wimp. Wipe away those tears, pull up your big girl pants and get over it.”
Depending on the day (and my hormonal state), it’s a toss up of which one wins, body or brain. I am thankful, however, that with everyday passing day I am moving closer to becoming a person who knows pain, remembers pain and respects the lessons that pain has to offer, and yet daily rises up out of the remains, refusing to submit to it’s demands.
at 10:25 am
I am learning more and more that our bodies have “body memories.” We have a “touchstone memory” that is generally tragic in nature (massive car accident) and then as we have related memories that attach themselves to this touchstone memory.(stabbing oneself with a fork??) So when you bump your toe, the pain is registered in your amegdella (inside your brain) and it then your response is based on your touchstone memory. So your natural body’s response has triggered “massive car accident” first and then you have to remind yourself…. “self, I just bumped my toe ONLY!” It is a very much related to Post Tramatic Stress. PTSS.
at 10:51 am
Where did you get your degree in “ShelleeColey”?????