Power in the Blood???
April 16, 2008
I wrote this a few weeks ago…I have hesitated in posting it for some reason. Only tonight, has it found it’s rightful place deep-deep inside of me, when I am feeling utterly powerless. My husband is lands away and my heart is stricken with worry and fear tonight, for the first time since he has been gone. It is in this state of weakness that I am finally able to find an honest place for words such as these.
Power in the Blood. I listen to those words boldly spoken. Poured from the deepest groans of the human spirit. Sung by congregations. Chanted by youth groups at rallies. Even on bumper stickers- these powerful words resound.
Is it a battle cry? Is it a claim to put my stake in? Or is it a promise from the most magnificent of moments in all of the earth’s history? And where, oh where are these words within my spirit? Why can’t I cry these words out to You, Oh God? Why can’t I cry them out for all the world to hear? Why is my soul anguished and hesitant to speak of the Lord who is my Great Redeemer?
Am I ashamed of You? Am I angry with You? Am I indifferent to You? Am I so self consumed, that all things earthly have cluttered up my spirit, blurring my view of You? Am I just blind and deaf and dumb? I want to yell a resounding “No!” to all of these. Alas, I cannot.
I walk beneath the stars, breeze brushing against my face, and I know You are there. I lay on the soft wet ground, toes pressing down into the soggy grass, and I know You are there. I laugh and giggle with my precious children, and I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, You are there!!! So why do I wonder aloud, “Are You there”??? What is it in me that is keeping me from fully embracing You, Oh God? From embracing Your love, Your grace, and Your acceptance of me?
Power.
It is simply a power struggle! Power in my blood. The ever elusive power that I assume I have over myself and my domain. How can there ever TRULY be Power in the Blood, if forever I am powerfully flexing my muscle at You, waving it around in Your face?
“There is Power, Power, wonder working Power in the precious Blood of the Lamb!”
I hear this! I speak this! I believe this!
Sing to Jesus by Frenando Ortega
(I could have posted “Power in the Blood”, but this just seems more fitting, as it talks of “My Great Redeemer”! You don’t have to take the time to listen to the whole thing, but I would love it if you could at least listen to the versus…as they were part of the ‘digging process’ of this post!)
Tags: Fernando Ortega, God, Grace, Jesus, Power in the Blood, Redeemer
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April 18, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I feel the same, not just sometimes anymore, all the time! It hurts my heart so bad because my faith years ago was so strong. I remeber a long time ago, someone put it to me like this… They said ” There will be times in a Christians life when they will stray from God, your realationship will fade. Picture Jesus in your heart when this happens (literally), when your faith and realationship with Jesus Christ is strong, your heart is white and Jesus is clear as day, but as your faith grows dim, your heart becomes dark, and Jesus slowly begins to fade.” When did my heart start becoming the slightest smokey? And I want that feeling back I to know he is there too, but why don’t I do the things I need to do to get that back? Why is work, friends, and boyfriends more important than one who gave me life and gave his up for me? Most important, why do I doubt and question the one thing I’ve always been so sure about?
I hope it makes you feel better that someone feels the same way you do. I sometimes think that now that I’m older I’m faced to make my own decisions on my beliefs and faith, and before they were based on what mom and dad taught us… I believed what they believed. I just struggle with making those decsions, i feel like God is so dissapointed that I question alot of what I have always believed.
April 19, 2008 at 8:49 pm
I don’t believe God is afraid of our doubt, our questions, our indifference, or our fears. God is bigger than any of that. He’s stronger than we can ever imagine. He holds tight when we let go and he hopes when we forget to try. Don’t underestimate the power in your struggle. Sometimes the very best things come after a long time in the valley. I refuse to believe that my God is disappointed in me. He created me. He loves me. And he loves you too.
April 20, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Sarah, Your words remind me of some lyrics to a song I wrote with a friend of mine. Here they are:
Where’s my heart, can’t hear a beat
Too long since I felt like me
Colors bleed soaking away
To just a sketch of a portrait I made
And I could not pin point the day
‘till it was too late and washing away
Where did it go did it slip through the cracks?
Didn’t know that it was missing but now I want it back
The mirror in the hall just said it all
A glimpse of ME I cannot quite recall
Oh where did it go
Here’s my heart, empty and drained
Pour your life into my veins
I cannot pinpoint the day
When my desire just wandered away
Where did it go did it slip through the cracks?
Didn’t know that it was missing but now I want it back
The mirror in the hall just said it all
A glimpse of YOU I cannot quite recall
Oh where did it go
And I don’t want what I had but I need something new
Can You make this muddled me – something more like you?
April 21, 2008 at 10:09 am
Since we are sharing lyrics…..
I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
I was at an outside “worship service” last night and this verse struck me…. I thought of your post. I see you so much as the child….. “watching and praying”….. wondering if you can trust Him enough! Wondering what is “all in all” really mean? Is that humanly possible? NO. Only with His power and His blood.
I also find it interesting that sin’s crimson stain and “power in my blood” are closely related, if not he same thing!
Post’s like this, true heart honesty, boldness and courageous words tie my heart even more to yours! Everyone struggles with POWER. Some struggles are outward, some are private and hidden. But we all want control. You are so identifiable.
April 22, 2008 at 9:22 am
You amaze me with your ability to clearly speak to the issues of every believer’s heart. Thank you for putting into words what we know to be true. The struggle is always my power versus His power. What I always lose sight of is the truth that I really have no power. Oh, I have selfish motives, personal wants and desires, well-thought out plans and agendas, a determination to (like my man Frank) do it MY way! But none of that is really power. The power comes into play when He begins to change my motives to His, when He pitches my plans and agendas and as they crash and burn I begin to sense and see His plans and agendas in the ruins and ashes–and I begin to have just the slightest desire to do it His way. Thanks for giving me the impetus to even start to think through the power in the blood thing. I do love the truth that life is in the blood–both literally and spiritually. Wish you were here sitting over coffee and hashing out just one more truth of His. I love you, clip-on, with my whole heart!
April 23, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I must say two more things on this topic… 1 that song is to a T how I feel, and I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe God placed that song on your heart so long ago to be able to share with me at this time in my life… and the last thing… on my last post, I mentioned my friends, family, and boyfriendS come first, and I would like to change that to boyfrienD… just one, I’m not a playa like that!
September 11, 2008 at 10:46 am
There is a wonderful book by singer-songwriter Carolyn Arends called Living the Questions: Making Sense of the Mess and Mystery of Life- she talks about an utterly terrifying night when she felt as though God had just vanished from the universe, when she was faced with her own drastic vulnerability (mess) and God’s great mystery. It was the beginning of her journey into a more mature faith.
BTW, I tend to agree with Philip Yancey that God has a fondness for irony- who would have guessed that God’s choice for Messiah would be born to an unwed mother in a sheep pen, grow up an illiterate carpenter in a backwater of the civilized world, and end up executed in the most horrible and humiliating way available. And yet our Gospel says _this_ is the heighth of real power and majesty. Wow- what an upside-down way to go. But that’s just Jesus.